Progressive Refocusing

Marital Counseling

You’ll discover Progressive Refocusing is a very simple system, and I’m providing this introduction to ignite deep consideration about your pre-divorce circumstances.  No matter where you are right now you can slow down and refocus, to get a bigger picture, a broader view of your options.

Progressive Refocusing is a sophisticated divorce technology designed to help you achieve clarity, and to make the logical choice of a positive experience over a painful one. Our 6-week, 6-step system will work for you, so won’t you join us now?

By refocusing your attention to your own well-being and to your peaceful transition into post-married life you also bring a sense of peace to your marriage partner, your children and your whole extended family. Gathering yourself into the important and enduring matters of your own life plans will have an unmistakable influence on all the other people around you.

It All Starts With You

But it all starts with you and your willingness to take a break from everything you’ve ever heard and known about divorce. Refocusing starts with a strong, inner belief that moving from married life to post-married life can be a natural process with a positive outcome.  Struggle and suffering are optional.

First you choose to refocus your perspective, allowing the possibility of a positive outcome to become a real option in your life, and then you make a conscious choice to protect and nurture it, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And you start by simply avoiding whatever interferes with your refocusing process.

When your relationship began there was a positive emotional outlook, leading to the decision to marry. And now, as your relationship ends, you can choose a positive emotional outlook as well.

Just Say No To Interference

Progressive Refocusing requires a strong commitment to intentionally and consistently shut out all third-party interference during the 6 weeks. This is a unique feature of my system, and perhaps the core of its success.

Essentially, saying NO to everything that distracts you from the substance and the sanctity of your transition process is saying YES to the successful conclusion of your marriage and the beginning of the next phase of your life.

You achieve your inner and outer success during Progressive Refocusing largely by the things you DO NOT DO, as well as the things you DO. This is a bit counter-intuitive, so let me give you an example.

It might seem natural to share your developing divorce circumstances with friends, family and co-workers, to share your plight and get some compassionate advice in return. It’s all too common to hear people share how they have been wronged, to discuss every facet of their case and to get everybody’s opinions factored into their own thoughts and actions. In Progressive Refocusing these are some things we DO NOT DO because they interfere with the stillness needed to refocus your belief systems and allow for the possibility of a positive outcome.

You choose to shut out all interference gracefully, in order to make a space for wisdom of your inner guidance to emerge and to prevail. In reality, you have exactly what you need to move with dignity and confidence into your post-marriage life, making good decisions and healthy choices. Avoiding well-meaning opinions and advice from friends, family, co-workers and even professional advisors for a brief period of 6 weeks, at a critical time in your life, gives immeasurable benefit to you and everyone affected by this transition in your life.

A Mental and Emotional Retreat For You

You could think of your 6 weeks in Progressive Refocusing as a mental and emotional retreat from the stressful conditions of your life, a time when you’re protected and safe from outside influences. That’s a good way to see the peaceful, safe environment we create for you during your Progressive Refocusing experience, and as you move into your new life, post-marriage.

Remember, only two people began this relationship together, and the same two people must end it.  Although other people will become involved in the legal process eventually, it is just the two of you who chose each other in the first place, and who need to get closure on your emotional connection.

As partners or as an individual, you can lighten-up your experience now, through your divorce process and into your post-married life,

Progressive Refocusing is a completely neutral, unbiased, unattached system to help you refocus your relationship and set the tone for moving forward into post-married life. It doesn’t involve legal, psychological, medical or other professional advice or directives at all.

Progressive Refocusing Is Not Legal Representation

It’s important to understand that the pre-divorce Progressive Refocusing system is not an offer to represent you legally. It is not a preliminary program for divorce clients of my law firm. It is totally and completely separate.

Progressive Refocusing does what the name says – it helps you to refocus and to make progress as we guide you through the exclusive, 6-week, 6-step system. During this time we never know any details or circumstances leading up to your decision to divorce. We won’t discuss how you got where you are in your relationship, or why you got there. We won’t probe for any reasons or analyze anything.

We stick to a simple, 6-step agenda to equip you with the mental clarity and the tools to create a positive transition from married life to post-married life. We help you minimize the confusion and the suffering, first by eliminating habitual thought patterns that no longer serve you. And then we help you elevate your perspective from your temporary conditions to your next phase of life, approaching it with dignity, grace and genuine lightness of being.

If you follow its simple guidelines, you will come to understand why I call it Progressive Refocusing: The Positive Divorce Experience. It works, and it will work for you, too. You will lighten up and you will have more clarity on healthy beliefs that serve your best interests going forward, free of negativity about yourself, your spouse and your changing circumstances.

As your guide, I don’t judge the direction you take, during or after your divorce. And I set the pace for the non-judgmental space you are creating, right along with you.  I help you see the natural growth and development process in the continuum of your life and of life itself as you lighten up your journey from prevailing societal beliefs that divorce is always a long and grueling experience.

It’s For Couples And It’s For Individuals

You can complete your 6 weeks of Progressive Refocusing on your own or with your marriage partner, and possibly go out and list your end-of-marriage details on a napkin over dinner together.  I’ve had clients who were able to do exactly that, only needing an attorney to draw up the legal documents and hand them to a judge for signature.

Progressive Refocusing is, in fact, the way to create a positive divorce experience. It will work for you if you take it seriously, with real intention and real commitment to the guidelines presented over 6 weeks in a 6-step system.

We will help you lighten your journey by generating new expectations, much closer to the reality of what you want to experience in this life journey, with the lightness of being you desire, free of the baggage of old beliefs and free to focus on other concepts that bring an immediate improvement in your mental and emotional state. You will be packed with only what you need for your pleasant, exciting journey into post-married life and beyond.

Without spending years in deep meditation, reading piles of books on spirituality or probing the source of guilt and blame in psychotherapy, you will be ready to move on. It’s not a time-consuming process when you choose to refocus on what truly matters in this life.

Choosing Freedom Over Anxiety

Choosing freedom allows you to step up and look through a whole new window on your existence, and you’ll like what you’re able to see from there. With simplicity, clarity and vitality you can transcend anxiety in this temporal life experience, including the brief phase of life you’re passing through now. You’ll have the tools to put this life change into perspective, and to keep your focus on consciously creating your future.

Having me as your guide in Progressive Refocusing will give you tools for a lifetime, not just for your divorce.

And if you’re thinking, “oh, maybe it won’t be so bad…” please keep in mind the reality of divorce is generally worse than reported.  The harmful, long-term effects of a typical, adversarial divorce include mental and physical illness, emotional trauma and financial set-back. And this is just for the adults, the divorcing couple.

The effects of divorce on children is well-documented in countless scientific studies, but these effects may take years to materialize. Your children’s emotional health during your divorce and long into the future depends on your mindset and your behavior during the enormous family transition known as divorce.

Navigating Your Transition To Post-Married Life

Quite simply, Progressive Refocusing equips you and your spouse to navigate your family transition with far greater dignity and grace, which your children will see. You will be setting an example intentionally or unintentionally for your children and others, so it behooves you to prepare yourself for a smooth transition on behalf of everyone involved.

My clients often ask if it’s possible for them to participate in the 6-step, 6-week Progressive Refocusing system without their marriage partner. The answer is Yes.

When you and your partner both decide to meet with me, because you both want to create a peaceful, balanced environment before negotiating the details of your divorce, I have the greatest opportunity to help you both. It is truly ideal because I meet separately with each of you, once a week for 5 weeks, and then I meet with both of you together for the 6th and final session.

Meeting with me on Skype calls for your 60-minute Progressive Refocusing sessions separately each week allows you to avoid coming to my office in person, which is something many people prefer.  Meeting on Skype allows you to enjoy the peace and privacy of your own home or office setting, while you lighten up your immediate, personal situation and focus on your post-married life with my professional help.

We create an environment for each of you to feel safe and supported as you set aside the strong beliefs and opinions that tend to destroy cooperation in a legal setting and elsewhere. We do this by elevating your vantage point on your lives and identifying your common desires for a harmonious transition, and for co-parenting your children.

And then when we all meet on a 90-minute, 3-way Skype call for the 6th and final session, you will both be ready to release each other and to move into your post-marriage relationship gracefully.

Creating A Positive Divorce Experience Can Start With Progressive Refocusing

In my 20 years of experience as a divorce lawyer I’ve seen thousands of couples who wanted to cooperate during and after their divorces. But they just didn’t know how to do it.

Mental health professionals, financial advisors, consultants and coaches have often provided important services to my clients over the years, and some were exemplary in their wisdom and care. But others were simply in it for their hourly fee, and it seemed some of my clients did not always come away with practical tools to build their post-married lives, together or individually.

I’ve watched and learned from what I’ve seen and heard representing clients in thousands of divorces, and the magnificent result is available to you now as Progressive Refocusing: The Positive Divorce Experience.

You may be curious to know if it can also work for you if your spouse chooses not to participate in the 6-week system. The answer to that question is also Yes.

Progressive Refocusing will allow you to lighten up your own hard-and-fast beliefs and opinions, and open up an elevated place for you to get a better view of yourself, your circumstances and your future post-married life. It is not necessary for your spouse to participate in the 6-step, 6-week system with you because your decision to gain perspective will influence the process for both of you.

You can choose to go on a retreat from conflict and from the well-meaning advice, beliefs and opinions of other people for a month and a half. It’s your right and, as I’m certain you may be sensing by now, it’s your responsibility, if you are the one who is willing to take a stand for peace and harmony, for yourself and for your children.

Progressive Refocusing has the potential to influence your future with tremendous positive momentum. I have collected personal stories from many clients who have benefited from parts of the system as I was developing it over the years.

Please call me so I can share more about how we can start working together. I am looking forward to helping you structure a positive divorce experience now.